It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s….CRAP!!! Review

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s….CRAP!!!

If you don’t like yourself very much, then you may want to entertain the idea

of playing Superman. It is, without a doubt, the worst game I’ve ever

played. Superman for the N64 lacks anything that even remotely resembles

entertainment. Hell, it shouldn’t even be called a game.

Here’s

the storyline: Lex Luthor has trapped Superman’s friends Lois, Professor Hamilton,

and Jimmy Olsen in a “virtual reality” version of Metropolis, and you, as Superman,

must enter it to rescue them. Populating this realm are the villains Braniac,

Darkseid, Bizarro, Metallo, several other bad folks from the animated series,

and a whole bunch of shadowy drone characters.

The gameplay is split into differently styled sections that consists of indoor

parts with lots of combat and exploring, and outdoor parts that have you performing

certain tasks (like flying though rings that Lex Luthor has left suspended in

the air, saving virtual innocents from harm, and tossing virtual objects about.)

Except for flying, to use your super powers you must acquire power-ups, such

as heat vision, super breath, and super speed – all of which run out eventually.

Ok, what’s so bad about this game? The actual gameplay, that’s what. The controls

are horrible. It’s nearly impossible to perform precise activities (such as

flying through those damn rings). Unless you play it, and I urge you not to,

you won’t understand how utterly annoying it is. For example, the Z button is

used to send Superman airborne. Or if he is already flying, to land. But because

the controls are so unresponsive, it takes 6-7 taps of the Z button in order

for Superman to do anything. This is certainly not the only bug in the game.

How

about the visuals? The graphics do move smoothly, but are incredibly boring.

The textures are nearly all flat and featureless, and they repeat themselves

endlessly. I never knew that virtual reality could be so dull.

Then there are the multiplayer modes – a deathmatch and a race. You and up

to three other soon-to-be-leaving friends control, no not multiple versions

of Superman (what would be the fun in that?), but one of Lex Luthor’s minions

flying a space pod. Trying to control that stupid, blurry space pod is more

frustrating than trying to maneuver Superman in single player mode. Deathmatch

is obvious, and bland. The race has one player with rings coming out of the

back of his space pod and the others have to fly through them.

In order to excuse themselves for making such a bad game, Titus keeps touting

the idea that it was designed for young kids. I hereby guarantee that all young

kids will hate this game. They certainly won’t be able to control it, or have

any fun, or do anything except feel ripped off because it was the only game

they got for their birthday. Superman could single-handedly bring back

the game of hide-and-seek. Such is his power.

I could go on and on, but look, it is really very simple. It’s hard to believe

Titus could have screwed up this game so badly. They should be ashamed of themselves

for releasing it. Bottom line: don’t buy this sorry excuse for a video game.