Holiday Gift Guide 2009

Victor Sullivan: I’m sweating like a hooker in church!

Nathan Drake: You took a hooker to church?

Microsoft got it right (who would’ve thunk?) when it came out with a console focused on multiplayer and online features at a relatively low price. Today, the Xbox360 has a solid hold on the hardcore gaming market (though the PS3 isn’t too far behind, mind you) and dominates bro-gamer living rooms and frat parties all over the United States. And Duke’s basement, too. Yes, I’ve been there… what I saw… cannot be unseen.

Since this edition includes about 120+ hours of content, the soundtrack (as good as it is) will begin too repeat far too early. So here are a few recommendations for songs to add to the playlist:

~ Bing Crosby – Dear Hearts and Gentle People

~ Billie Holiday – Detour Ahead, Travelin’ Light, I’m Painting The Town Red, What A Little Moonlight Can Do, Yankee Doodle Never Went To Town

~ Cole Porter – You’re The Top

~ The Ink Spots – Old Shanty in Old Shanty Town, Whispering Grass

We at GR love to bash the Wii. Not because female gamers prefer its sleek, sexy, Mac-inspired chassis by 80%, but because it’s really a toy for kids and families. From our hardcore viewpoint, games are dumbed down for "them"… but we shouldn’t complain too much. The Wii has brought video games back into relevance, and numerous households have a Wii. They may not use the Wii as often as they would like, but that’s where this gift guide comes in, doesn’t it? So, yes, if you are buying a Wii game as a present, please do, because there do exist games for the Wii that aren’t Wii Sports.

Square-Enix, otherwise known as "Squeenix" by its inconsolable fans, hasn’t been very successful with its console outings aside from Final Fantasy, but the DS seems to its redeeming point. Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days continues that tradition, though I think Square Enix Japan needs to reconsider their stance on titles in America that involve math.

Mario RPGs always serve as a great introduction to the genre for kids and the otherwise inexperienced. Even for veterans like me, it’s always pleasant to take a journey back to the days when item fusion wasn’t an unnecessary necessity. And really, who doesn’t want to see Mario and Luigi all rumbly in Bowser’s tumbly?

Not every game needs to be slaughtering indiscriminate monsters for experience, items, and gold. No, some games can be about collecting picarats instead! Okay, so you actually go around quaint villages solving people’s math homework, but hey, kids (I’m also pointing at you) probably aren’t using their brains enough anyway.

Let’s face it, some people are so busy gaming with their DS that they don’t know how to cook. And you probably know a food newbie who has a DS but hardly ever uses it (like, say, an Asian college student). Personal Trainer Cooking is the interactive recipe book that they’ve always wanted but never knew it.

The Awesome Games That Xbox Live Points Can Get You:

– Shadow Complex

– Trials HD

– Marvel vs. Capcom 2

– Splosion Man

– DLC for Borderlands, GTA IV, and Fallout 3

– Belgium (still waiting for it)

The Awesome Games That Wiiware Points Can Get You:

– Lost Winds: Winter of the Melodias

– NyxQuest: Kindred Spirits

– Swords and Soldiers

– World of Goo

With the price of cable skyrocketing and video rental stores being a hassle, a Netflix subscription is the best substitute, especially with the Xbox 360’s and PS3’s instant Netflix streaming (the PS3 requires a Netflix disc). For about $108 a year, you can get (or give someone) access to Netflix’s extensive library of classics and TV shows including The Office, South Park, Farscape, 30 Rock, Doctor Who, The IT Crowd, Dexter, Penn & Teller: Bullshit, and plenty of cult classics that every gaming geek should know.

Where can I get that?

Why? Because you know you hate that wire between the sensor bar and the Wii. That’s the only reason.

Where to lose the wire?

Whether you get the Mad Catz Tournament Edition Fight Stick with the Street Fighter IV or the Marvel vs. Capcom 2 art, it is well worth the price for those hardcore fighting friends you have who can’t stand doing a quarter circle without a joystick. Its Sanwa Denshi quality components are adjustable and the buttons are quick-to-the-touch responsive and precise.

Read the review.

Watch the watchmen.