Heath Has Anthony's Credit Card: Volume 2

Five hours till I board a jet bound for Tokyo, all just to deliver news and views to yous. To make sure I have the funds, Anthony has given me his credit card. If you haven't, read the first installment of the expense report here. Now for round 2. One of these purchases took place in August, but I had to wait for the payment confirmation to go through to report on it here. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess (though thankfully the bank and credit card folks remembered. I wouldn't want Anthony to accidentally give me any of this stuff for free).

I always wear a suit on a plane, no joke. The simple fact is, you get treated better. In one airport, a security guy even called me "boss." And boy do I look like a boss in my new suit.

The problem is that the pantlegs aren't hemmed. Look at these:

I asked the guy behind the counter about an alternate, but all I got was, "Yeah, like the guy wearing a $2,600 suit's gonna take orders from a guy buying a suit that's only half that, COME ON!"

But I was in love with that suit, so I took it anyway. I'll have to make some phone calls to see if any tailor in town takes a credit card. But one thing's for sure, I can't go to TGS with only half a suit. I'll go with what was my nicest one before uncle Anthony let me in on his little secret. Next year, though. Next year I'll buy another new suit that has hemmed legs, for sure.

Speaking of being an excited schoolboy, I have a mountain of student loans to pay off. Thanks, Obama! My minimum monthly payment is $98, but I called and asked Wells Fargo:

Heath: "Can I make a bunch of payments at once?"

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "How many did you have in mind?"

Heath: "Like 20."

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "20 payments at the same time?"

Heath: "It's like being at the college loan buffet, and I'm 'That Guy.'"

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "How will you be making your payment?"

Heath: "By credit card!"

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "Will that be your MasterCard ending in #### that you have on file with us?"

Heath: "Oh no, ma'm, this is my friend's card. I'd like you to charge him for it."

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "… Your… friend?"

Heath: "That's right. He gave me this card to get whatever I needed, and I must say, my college degrees are, retroactively, very essential to what I'm about to do. I mean heck, I got my Associate's in Journalism (not sure if I should capitalize that or not)."

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "What do you mean 'what I'm about to do'?"

Heath: "Huh?"

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "You said something about the payment and the degree being essential to what you're about to do… ?"

Heath: "Oh, right, yes. Well hopefully what I'm about to do is get Anthony Severino to knock 2 grand off of my student debt. Unless you think he should 'shoot for 3,' as they."

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "What? Shooting for 3? As who says? I'm afraid I don't understand, sir."

Heath: "You sound kind of urban so I thought maybe a basketball reference would work there."

Student Loan Repayment Rep: "Sir, I can't let you pay with someone else's credit card."

Heath: "Do you like, want me to give you his address or social, or…"

We went around like that for a while — me, my urban friend, and her supervisor. Ultimately, yeah, they couldn't let me do that. But the comparatively minor security of the internet could. Punch in some numbers and answer the right questions and you can do anything with anyone's money on the internet.

A few weeks later, there it was in the snail mail, showing up as a confirmed payment. No payments due till mid 2015 for me! Aaahhh, feels good man.

This is such an effective method of student debt repayment, I wonder why they don't teach this in high school?

During that call, the supervisor asked if we could get "Andy" on the phone with us, and I briefly considered changing the name on the card to "Andy."