When I was young, my parents would take me and my little brother to Dutchman's Pizza. More often than not they'd have the "Big Game" on the big screen TV, tons of big tables, and plenty of beer and soda to go along with their extra large pizzas.
I didn't care for any of those things. I only cared about the long hall of arcade cabinets they kept. Some of the cabs weren't in the greatest condition. Many had the stickers peeled off so you didn't know which button did what when you intially dropped your quarter in.
The Simpsons Arcade was one of these, but I played the cabinet so much that it didn't take long to memorize the buttons, much less the locations of enemies, the progression of the levels, and exactly what I was up against when I reached a boss.
Easily the best part of the game was the ability for others to jump in, take control of another member of America's first family, and beat down the nameless baddies that flooded every screen of the game. Konami's beat-em-up formula was practically drop-in and drop-out. It didn't matter if we were playing as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, or The Simpsons. In fact many titles shared the same engine (notably the 1989 TMNT Arcade Game).
The Japanese developer and publisher was at the top of its game (pun intended) when it released The Simpsons Arcade Game. In 1991, beat-em-ups like The Simpsons Arcade were exceedingly popular with gamers and arcade owners because of their addictive, just-one-more-quarter nature.
It didn't hurt that the Simpsons had a large backing. The original voice actors provided the dialog for the game and there are tons of key references to Matt Goening's work, including the Life in Hell rabbits. Let's face it, the game's art is also some of the best pixels have ever created.
But beyond that, The Simpsons Arcade is actually a terrible Simpsons game. Let's take a rediculous journey through the game's many off-the-wall Simpsons references and misses.
From beginning to end, there are quite a few errors, lowering the Simpsons-quality, despite the now classic, always beloved gameplay. Allow me a little Comic Book Guy. We've all got a piece of him in us.
The game's introduction is ripped straight from the television's theme, but things quickly go awry. Each character's bio lists their age, hobby, and alias. Bart's is fairly straightforward….
Well, Bart's bio is too straightfoward. His hobby is "Instigating Disobedience". I don't think it's ever been stated so plainly. At least Konami did the research and discovered Bart's alter-ego, El Barto.
Homer's alias is just as awkwardly worded: "Home Boy / Home Dude." Certainly El Homo would have been more in line with El Barto. Lisa's bio actually manages to capture some piece of Simpsons trivia, stating that her alias is "Moaning Lisa". Much of that is undone by Marge's double-bio with Maggie.
Who ever new Marge's hobby was Making Tasty Geletin Desserts?
Who the hell are these guys? Let's ignore the legion of clones that Mr. Burns sends your way (apparently they're called Royd and Floyd, who knew?), but you'd think that Konami could come up with a proper boss to fight? We can go along with the wrestler at the end of stage one blindly, but who the hell are these mobsters?
Zombies, aliens, sure, but these two characters have never shown their faces in the television show, leaving my brother and me to wonder when they'd show up. It's true that the game didn't have much to work with. The series had only run for just over a year, so there wasn't a ton draw from like there is today, but obviously referencing a bunch of Simpsons lore doesn't make a great game.
Hey, if they're fighting nameless mobsters, why can't the Simpsons fight a bear, a species normally known in the series for the sheer terror they strike in the city's inhabitants?
Mr. Smithers packs a double-whammy of WTF near the end of the game. Once you clear the TV station, Smithers flees in a Krusty Toys helicopter. Why the hell would he be flying a Krusty Toys helicopter? I don't remember the man with the superfluous third nipple ever cozying up with Springfield's resident billionaire.
Of course, why not make Smithers a maniacal lunatic? Why not equip him with a devilish grin? Why not give him bombs to throw at the Simp– Wait, is that a lab coat he's wearing under the cape?
Easily my favorite oddity in The Simpsons Arcade is featured at the end of the KBBL Broadcasting Studio. The level opens with a news anchor WHO IS NOT Kent Brockman and ends with a fight against a bunch of ninjas and a samurai guy.
I didn't think about it this way when I was younger, but The Simpsons Arcade offers players a unique opportunity to see inside the minds of the Japanese developer. The ninja showdown features an American parody of ancient Japanese culture… through the eyes of a Japanese person…. the meta-commentary here is absurdly fantastic.
The samurai boss hops around like a kabuki actor, mocking the more obvious facets of Japanese culture American developers or the writers behind the Simpsons television show would have targeted.
I could go on, but ultimately The Simpsons Arcade stands the test of time as one of the best beat-em-ups ever created. The gameplay was so solid, it's hard to seriously mock everything else about the title. You can play the classic title on your Xbox 360 or PS3 now, via either's downloadable service. The game includes the Japanese Rom and a host of cleverly titled Achievements and Trophies.
